2021.12.04 07:55 ExpressMonkey Yikes
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2021.12.04 07:55 ayecidsonique Tv series shot in 1:66 ratio?
2021.12.04 07:55 EdgeWeak47 Ex gf don't want to be in a relationship, but still want to sleep with me?
We are both in a toxic relationship and she ended it already after we tried many times. But she insisted she still want to sleep with me. but that's it, she doesn't want to have affection even on messages she just wants to fuck.
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2021.12.04 07:55 Raptormicah0967 Should I get a leachie or false chameleon?
I've found a shop with both and I can afford both, the enclosure is 4ft high and 2 foot wide. What one should I get? ( Yes I've done research on both of them)
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2021.12.04 07:55 BTK-VENOM43 Finally!!
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2021.12.04 07:55 caligalus Two days until the fuckery begins again
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2021.12.04 07:55 f0rty-s3v3n Need advice please- TW: rape involving minors, suicidal thoughts
I(17f)didn’t know which sub to post this on so I posted it on quite a few. I think I was raped by my (now) ex-boyfriend(16m). I would like some clarity on what I should’ve been on the lookout for or if I could’ve stopped it from happening. Basically how much of it was my fault. I’m sorry if it’s long. (TW: sexual assault)
We met when I was 16 and he was 15 towards the end of 2020. I had just shifted apartments and was in a terrible place mentally. I had cut all my friends off and was very depressed and suicidal. He shifted to the same apartment a few months later and we met through a mutual friend. I find it very hard to connect with people so when we hit it off immediately it felt amazing. I wasn’t looking for anything romantic with him initially because he was younger than me and I wasn’t keen on the idea, but we quickly became best friends and knew that we started liking each other. I was very against dating because because I felt like I wasn’t emotionally ready and he said he was too. We started kissing and making out and soon after admitted that we had feelings for each other on call one night. He asked me why we aren’t dating and I told him that it wouldn’t end well, and that the idea just icks me out a little. But he kept being like why not, and to have some faith, so I agreed. Mind you, I really liked him at this point so I was willing to give it a shot.
I’d never gone past 2nd base before and he’d already had sex so it wasn’t as much of a big deal to him. Before we started dating I gave him head which I guess gave him the get go that I was ready to do anything. Since we lived in the same apartment we met everyday, and after that day he would kind of expect it everyday even when I just wanted to kiss. I was a little surprised at the beginning but I thought it was normal and I didn’t want to disappoint so I went ahead with it. He’d also constantly turn every conversation we had, especially late at night, into something sexual even when I made it clear that I was uncomfortable. I’d give in every time because I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like him, and tried to convince myself that it was just because he liked me.
I should’ve realised then that he wasn’t educated about consent, but I was so blinded by how much I liked him and how good it felt to have someone with you 24/7 that I told myself that these were all normal things to expect in a relationship. I had an abusive childhood too so love seemed different to me than what it may be for others. I told him I wanted to wait and that I wanted my first time to be special, be it with him or not. He said yes absolutely and many things which made me trust him further, although his actions showed otherwise.
My friend(16f at the time) was groomed by another guy in our friend group(19m at the time) into hooking up straight after her break up. He knew that she was a virgin and that she expected only making out, maybe 3rd base max but penetrated her without asking for her consent. It happened in the washroom of a common building in our apartment and soon after she told our friend group. Him and I talked about how horrible it was, and he said that it was awful and how disgusting it was for him to do something like that. I was glad he felt that way. Not even a week later, he takes me to the same washroom.
We were looking at his old childhood pictures before that, and laughing together. It was a nice night. He told me that he had to go home soon and to go to the washroom with him. I thought making out can’t hurt and went with him. We kissed, and before I knew it he had taken mine and his clothes off. All I remember is everything moving super fast. I was on top of him kissing him when I felt that he was trying to penetrate me. I told him that I’m scared and that I wasn’t sure, but I thought it must’ve been a mistake because we’d already talked about it. And he himself had said that he didn’t want me to lose my virginity to some quickie in a dark washroom. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to. Before I knew it he was inside me. I just remember feeling completely numb. My mind was frozen in some sort of icy shock. Screaming what the fuck is going on what the fuck is happening. I didn’t make a single sound. I didn’t say no. I let him continue. I just wanted it to be over with. Towards the end pushed me off him and shoved my head down again. I resisted by lifting my head up once, but once he pushed again I gave in.
He got up and handed me my clothes and started dressing himself. I still remember exactly what he was wearing, what I was wearing, the feeling of clutching my clothes to my chest in that dark dingy washroom.
I couldn’t speak. He realised something was wrong when I couldn’t speak. He helped me get dressed and kissed me on the forehead and asked are you ok? I didn’t say anything except push him away. I could tell that he was getting scared. What’s wrong he kept asking, over and over and over. Whatever I tried to speak came out in whispers. I didn’t realise I was whispering until I saw him lean closer and closer to catch what I was trying to say. He kept trying to hold my hand. I was so heartbroken. I trusted him so much. I felt so dirty and disgusting and violated. I felt like the one thing that was truly mine in this world had been taken away from me for 5 minutes of someone’s gratification. I dropped him home.
I was so confused. What had just happened? I called my younger sister(15m) before he got into the lift when I realised my voice hadn’t come back so he took the phone from me and told her that he thinks he made me sad. He went home. My sister and I aren’t close but we have this kinship in the fact we’ve been through the same things together. That was the first time I hugged her in my life. I sobbed until I was sore, and she did too. I told her what had happened. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. It felt like the last, hopeful, part of me had been ripped away. Like my heart had been ripped away from my chest, beating and bloody till it eventually stopped. I told him not to tell anyone. He messaged me saying he’s such a terrible boyfriend and that he is so sorry and that I should stab him if it makes me feel better. I scrubbed myself raw in the shower that night for what felt like hours trying the get the memory out of my skin.
I’m going to spare you the details now. But after this I broke up with him after a couple days, he insisted that we should still be friends. I didn’t want to lose him. Losing him at the same time this happened would’ve felt like 2 tragedies at once. We started dating again barely a month later. I wished that he would leave because I didn’t have the strength to. I had no space to myself. He told me he understood that what he did was wrong and that he loved me. When I asked him how could someone who loves someone else rape them he said he thought I wanted to. And that he thought I said I was scared and I don’t know because I thought someone was outside. I comforted him because he felt bad about raping me.
He told me he’d get panic attacks when I talked about it which made me stop because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Then he’d ask me why I don’t talk to him ab it. I was the only one who believed him when he said it was an accident, a mistake. Deep down I knew it wasn’t of course, like everyone else, but I was so blinded by the temporary comfort being with him provided that it just didn’t matter. I wanted comfort from the person who caused the pain. I was so lost.
It was still very rocky with intense highs, and much more intense lows. But the highs were so addictive. He’d get mad when anyone suggested that our relationship was toxic. We were on and off because my friends knew about what happened and made me break up with him, but I always went back. I slept with him again too. He still pressured me but this time I told myself I’m doing it because I wanted to. There was one day when I was sobbing thinking about it in front of him and he just smiled and told me to hit him. To get it out. He kept trying to rile me up. I didn’t want to hit him, I just wanted to cry in his arms. Him smiling in that sick way did something though, and it felt like a fog had been lifted. I told my friends in the apartment and they begged him to leave me alone. He said if she wants me to I will. I knew that he’d leave me once he loves me if ever and that I’d leave once I love myself. Being with him after was some kind of self-punishment. He knew about my problems at homes, and with my mental health, I’d never, ever been so exposed and vulnerable to a single person in my life. The one time they ask me to trust them and I do it ends up like this.
Anyways, we don’t break up but his parents find out that we’re together and being quite conservative, lash out. I finally got some space from him. No contact whatsoever, and I realised that I had to break up w him. I texted him that we need to go on a break and soon after that we need to break up. He asked to meet irl just to say goodbye. I wanted to see him one last time and STILL somehow hoped that we’d be on good terms. We talked to 2mins and then he kept trying to take my mask off (pandemic), I let him and we pecked. Like a goodbye, thanks for the memories peck. I must seem very stupid and I was, but I’d give anything to get that naivety back. After that, he kept trying to makeout with me and touch me. I didn’t freeze this time. I said no, and I pushed him. Multiple times. I said stop and put my hand between us. Moved myself away, told him to please sit down. He kept going. It finally dawned on me that he was never sorry and that he’d never understand. That I can’t put myself in harms way to protect other people and make him learn, because he never will. He pushed me tried to force me to go down on him and I screamed fuck off which was when it finally hit him I guess. He sat next to me. I didn’t know what to say.
He didn’t say anything either. He fell to my feet after a while and started sobbing about how he didn’t know what was wrong with him, and that I deserve better and to please forgive him. I lost my voice again. I made him promise me that he’d never hurt another girl in his life, although the promise probably means nothing. I went home. My friends mom found out and was going to tell his and I, stupidly again, told him to tell them himself because it would be better if they heard it from his mouth. I didn’t want him to get punished I just wanted him not to do it again. He told them only about the recent time because apparently they would’ve blame me otherwise. He was still trying to convince me that he was looking out for me. I asked to speak to his mom and he refused. I asked him to tell them about the first time and he said I’m sorry, I love you but this is the most I can do for you. I can’t ruin a life long relationship with my parents.
I told my dad soon after. It broke him. He’s abusive, but I know at the end of the day, he does want what’s best for me. He asked me what I wanted to do and if I wanted to go to the police. After I told him the whole story, he essentially blamed me for going back to him. And that if I was really so disgusted with the first time why would I go alone with him afterwards. I didn’t know how to explain. Hopefully, I’ll be able to tell my therapist and she’ll explain it to him in a way he’ll understand.
I still miss him. I know it wasn’t real but I miss him so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever be normal again. I feel so unlike myself and broken.
Thank you for reading, I’d really appreciate some advice if you have any.
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2021.12.04 07:55 myfriendohs__ hmm
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2021.12.04 07:55 Pimmelsenator Bad movie descriptions #1
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2021.12.04 07:55 DPB91 Controller turning off
Having issues and can't find any recent answers.
I can connect and play with no issue on mobile and Chromecast. But when I try through the browser on my PC the controller vibrates and turns off a few seconds after connecting.
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2021.12.04 07:55 MonclerEnthusiast Is there any point in sending this in for warranty? Or is it ‘way past it’
2021.12.04 07:55 MarkDrummondJ Bothy Oasis [30x30]
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2021.12.04 07:55 CrackHeadPoet Those Indian Primitive Construction videos be like:
2021.12.04 07:55 dcwerfferv How long does it take to get to not masturbating to porn for 1 week
2021.12.04 07:55 No-Opening-6766 Ryuk Wallpaper👹
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2021.12.04 07:55 lieverturksdanpaaps 1-km Square Land Cover: Trees
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2021.12.04 07:55 boogiebear123 SafeMoon Wallet won’t open on iOS Any Suggestions?
2021.12.04 07:55 Westmrland53 Melanie Gillespie WPXI Pittsburgh
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2021.12.04 07:55 JtheZombie My character prefers to do his business anonymous 😏
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2021.12.04 07:55 promaria Profile UPN pour Kadiolo Mali
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2021.12.04 07:55 sootheidiot Getting Bored of Walls 2
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2021.12.04 07:55 babygrl1365 Mine free doge. Runs In the browser
2021.12.04 07:55 NoMoreFaithLess Mărturia unui secretar de stat demis de Cîţu: Corectam greşeli gramaticale grave. Un amestec letal de prostie şi rea intenţie | Epoch Times România
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2021.12.04 07:55 AssetStripper Blinken: Iran isn't serious, the US has other options
2021.12.04 07:55 MiinaNiina Frozen Chaos Season Structure (Corrected version)
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